How was your exploration into darkness and desire? Illuminating? I hope so.
As Robert Holden often says, “emotional honesty boosts spiritual clarity.”
The hardest and perhaps best way we can be emotionally honest is when we’re willing to explore aspects of our shadow. And these ego veils can certainly shed light.
The next two that we’ll explore are: ignorance and zeal for death.
Here goes!
Ignorance
Watterson describes ignorance as a form of unconsciousness, as in lacking awareness of something.
Of course, with this word I often hear the expression, “ignorance is bliss.” And, sometimes I think it’s true. Why? Because once I know something, once it comes into my awareness, it’s super hard to ignore it or do nothing about it. Whereas, if I’m unaware of it, then I don’t have that same obligation inside of me to act. How about for you?
The ignorance with which Mary Magdalene was referring, is a form of willful ignorance, of choosing not to see, not to know, not to act from a more healed or integrated place.
This ignorance is not from a lack of education, knowing, intelligence or a character flaw but is more a form of blindness that can often come from vanity, arrogance or stubbornness.
I’m sure you can recognize how this may have played out for you. Again, if we’re willing to be emotionally honest, we can all see how we have been willfully ignorant of someone else’s suffering or pain.
There’s a line from the Course in Miracles that can be helpful as an antidote for this. “I am willing to see.”
-to see this (situation, person) differently
-to see myself differently
I like using these phrases because they act like a pattern interruption in my mind. Try this one and see for yourself!
The second veil is:
Zeal for Death
Boy, does that sound heavy!
Let's unpack it.
Watterson redefines this, or shares that it got re-interpreted in Christianity as the deadly sin of gluttony – not so much as in indulgence but in over indulgence to the point of pain/suffering. Recently I read a novel about a family in which a number of the characters suffered with addiction. In describing herself, one of them said something like, “I can’t stop doing what feels good until I’m hurting myself.” This is the essence of the zeal for death.
It's the self-destructive part of us. In archetypal language, we might call it the saboteur. It’s that part of our ego that wants to destroy us.
Why is that you may ask?
It comes back to inadequacy. When we think we are an ego and that is ALL we are, we feel broken, as if something is missing, because it IS! This is why it’s hard-wired to self destruct.
The good news is that you’re NOT an ego.
You don’t have to do this life alone
AND
these moments when we feel like we’re on the brink of annihilation are often the ones in which we are finally able to hear the voice of God.
I’ll share one from my life.
I was addicted to marijuana for many years- all through high school and into college. But in those last few years, every time I smoked, it was terrible. I’d get paranoid, dysregulated, scared. I even began to have short term memory loss.
It was BAD.
One night, after getting high, I isolated myself in a bedroom, scared and worried. I lay in a fetal position feeling like something was very wrong but also feeling powerless to do anything.
That’s when I heard a voice. It was gentle and kind. “You do realize you’re killing yourself.”
(zeal for death right here)
I answered, “yes, but I don’t know what to do.”
And then I was told exactly what to do.
And… I did it.
That was my soul speaking to me, reminding me that I had another choice to make. One that set me on a new track towards growth and opportunity.
How about you? How does this gluttony/zeal for death show up in your life?
Remember, BE HONEST.
That’s how we loosen the hold these veils have and begin to see.
Enough for today.
Remember how much you are loved, and that help is always here for you. Just ask.
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Image courtesy of Joshua Earle on Unsplash