I’m on a roll right now, thinking about freedom, and thought that maybe for the rest of this month we could explore ways to feel more free.
The first one that came up for me (how about you?) is FEAR.
If you’re familiar with the enneagram, you’ll know that at point 6 (which is me 😊), this is our basic challenge.
In truth, it’s all of our basic challenge, maybe the flavor of it differs, yes? Because we ALL experience fear. So, the question then is, what do we do when it arises?
The first time I consciously remember working with fear was the night before I was starting my first “real” job. I’d been living in Hong Kong, had quit the soul sucking job that had brought me there, done a bit of inner searching, and had landed a new job (by some miracle) as a high school teacher at an international school.
Getting ready for the first day, I’d been going through the text books creating a curriculum and lesson plans but it honestly didn’t hit me that my job was pubic speaking every day – which at the time I was terrified to do – until the night before school actually started!!!!
I literally began having a panic attack in my apartment. Before I knew it, I was on the elevator and out the door, heading into the balmy evening. I started walking along the cliff near the complex. The lights of the city shone brightly in the distance, the dark of the sea splashed up the rocky beaches. I walked and walked as my thoughts spiraled. “What was I going to do? Should I quit? I couldn’t possibly public speak in front of young people all day every day…”
I kept walking as my thoughts churned.
At some point, a new idea landed in my system. It said, “what you’re experiencing is fear. Can you do this job anyway?”
As I walked the quiet hill in the dark, I thought about it.
What I am feeling is fear… and it’s just that, a feeling. Can I do this thing, this job, despite feeling scared?
And in that moment, I decided I could.
I know you can relate to this story because I know you too have done things that scared you, and keep doing them. I think that’s the nature of being alive, right? Certainly, of a life worth living.
And each time fear rears its head, it can feel like the first time we’ve experienced it all over again!
So, I thought I’d offer you some tools to support you as you continue to grow and navigate fear.
Here are 2 mindfulness exercises. These are designed to help you come back to the present moment.
The first is called the 3-3-3 Rule.
The idea is to stop and name 3 things you see, 3 things you hear and 3 that you feel. You can also move 3 parts of your body instead. Give it a try and see how it helps.
The second mindful exercise is deep breathing. But add touch to it. Put a hand on your belly as you breathe in and out.
These 2 will help you feel more grounded and present which helps dispel fear.
The third tool is an analytic one intended to release fear by bringing logic to it.
Here’s how this one goes:
Write down what you’re afraid of – and be specific. It isn’t just, “I’m afraid of failure", it’s "I’m afraid that I’ll fail at being a good sailor and will lose the race for my team.”
Then examine the evidence. Is your fear based on anything true or is it an anxiety thought?
Once you’ve done this, you can move on to the fourth tool which is to jot down what’s known as an action ladder, all the steps to get what you want but are afraid of. Then you can rank the steps you need to take in terms of least scary to most scary.
Once you have a list, take a step.
Start with what feels easiest and do that until the fear feels like it’s subsiding, then take another step.
Because, the best way to manage fear is with ACTION.
I know you’ve heard that line, “feel the fear and do it anyway.”
Life is filled with challenges AND you’re up for it.
Want more tools to help you stay sane and explore yourself more deeply? Get them in your inbox every Wednesday, FREE.
Image courtesy of Pırıl Osmanoğlu on Unsplash